It is the halfway point in Ramadan. Alhamdullilah. May Allah accept our fasts, ibadah and dua’s- Ameen. I am writing this in Suhoor just after I have closed my fast, looking at the moon outside which looks just as tired as me sitting beside the clouds coated in a lazy yellowish glow. Reflecting back on the 15 days since Ramadan has started, I just wanted to do a little update.
Well for starters the first two (three I think) I wasn’t fully immersed in Ramadan because of submitting an assignment and then on top of that I missed 7 fasts (alhamdulillah for it being this early though and insha'Allah will be able to see through the last ten days) and then these past four days have been in catch up mode of reading the Qur’an and other stuff I needed to get done.
I am not going to lie and say it’s been an amazing start to Ramadan, honestly, it has been hard. I just feel drained this year. Like I think back to last year when I had so much energy (and time, someone explain to me where the time goes?) and this year I just feel my eman is so low and I am trying so hard to use this Ramadan as an opportunity to re-connect. I read a quote the other day that said ‘the hardest part of Ramadan is realising that we are our biggest enemy and it hit hard. There was a day that I just caught myself watching Netflix in Ramadan and just thinking why am I wasting my time (didn’t stop me from watching the entire series of One of Us is Lying and starting Bridgerton and catching up on Married at First Sight) and then suddenly we are halfway through Ramadan. Where did that come from?
I think though now I have caught up with my Qur’an and making a timetable (in the process) so I can (attempt to) do productive work and the rest of the time will be in ibadah. I think with the last ten days coming up I hope that I will find the closeness I seek and the ability to re-connect back to Him. It’s funny because my niece is the one who actually made me realise that Ramadan is not always going to be a breeze with your eman at a high, but actually the opposite but it’s the way you bounce back stronger, and I think like the quote said I am my own worst enemy putting so much pressure into making a so-called ‘perfect Ramadan’ when there is no such thing.
Taking each day as it comes, re-connecting with Him and allowing myself to heal. I’m sure I read somewhere the most broken of hearts are the strongest ones. Well here’s to healing hearts and Sabr, May Allah allow us to maintain Sabr and eman in the lowest and hardest of times Ameen. May Allah allow us to seize every blessed minute during the last ten nights, and allows us to witness and experience the blessings of Layla-Tul Qadr and may he answer all our dua’s and accepts our ibadah, Allah huma Ameen.
I pray that your Ramadan is going how you want it and insha'Allah you're seizing every minute and may Allah accept your fasts, dua’s and ibadah. Ameen.
With Salaam’s and Dua’s
Fiz@ Every Page She Turns
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